“Do as I say, not as I do”

Dad & my baby girl (2)

This is “Bob” and my baby girl, Tanya back in 1981. He was my step-dad but the only “dad” I knew growing up. Bob died in 1995, but I can still hear him saying,

Do as I say, not as I do

!! I once had a psychologist tell me that when I had a thought ie; (message, life lesson) playing over and over in my head, that I should ask myself

whose voice it is

so I would be able to better judge it’s truth or validity. It’s been my experience that upon entering adolesence we begin to question the philosphy of our parents; their belief systems etc; Therefore when I was told

you need to…, or you should have…,

my come back was often,

why? you don’t do that,

or

you’ve always…

and I would hear,

DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO!!

Isn’t that the very definition of hypocrisy? I think so! And if so, then shouldn’t I reject, rather than embrace the teachings/instruction of my parent? And what about myself as a parent? Did I repeat the mistakes of my parent with my children and do one thing, but say (instruct) another? This reminds me of a poem we had hanging on our wall when my children were little… it said:

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

How many of us grew up being told not to smoke, but yet our parents smoked? Or how many of us grew up being told

drinking is bad

and yet our household was a drinking household? Or better yet (coming from this former Weight Watchers leader), how many of us grew up in a household eating whatever we wanted, were not taught any type of nutrition and yet as soon as we began gaining a few pounds were told we should go on a diet? 😉

If you are reading this, please don’t read BLAME anywhere in it. I am way past my

victim status/blame game

and have no need to blame anyone to feel better about the choices and decisions I made in life. I only wish I had done better sooner. But, in order to do so, I would have had to question the teachings of my upbringing sooner.

I’m sure some of you have discovered the same thing I have: I’M A MUCH BETTER GRANDPARENT, THEN I WAS A PARENT!! Or maybe, you learned some things from an older sibling, growing up?

I tell my grandson, Ethan (5 yrs old) almost every day,

don’t do that, Ethan, because Kash (20 months) is watching you and he is going to try and do it too! Your little brother is watching you, and he’s learning from you every time you do something. He doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong, like you do. He’s still learning.

In closing: If you are reading this, you are reading the ruminations of an insomniac. Pondering is what I do when I can’t sleep…if you liked what you read, please spread the word – I would love to have more followers to my blog and would also love to hear your thoughts.

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11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Bonnie
    May 26, 2013 @ 04:56:34

    I am new to your blog, having seen a link to it in another blog that I read everyday. I was surprised to find that we are both in TX and from some of the things you write about, I believe we live not too many miles apart. It is so nice to meet a fellow Texan. Your writing is very inspiring to me. I so admire your outlook on life.

    Reply

  2. bittygirl51
    May 26, 2013 @ 15:26:02

    Thanks for reading, Bonnie. I tried to find your blog to no avail. Technically, I am NOT a fellow Texan. I am a transplant – but have no intention of leaving since I married a Texas man 15 years ago. Thanks for your kind words! Keep reading, and I’ll keep writing.

    Reply

    • Bonnie
      May 26, 2013 @ 18:50:35

      It doesn’t matter to me whether you are a native Texan or not. Since you have been here 15 years, you undoubtedly have heard the saying, ” I wasn’t born in Texas, but I got here as fast as I could!”. I don’t have a blog myself, but I intend to keep reading yours as long as you write it.

      Reply

  3. Diana Black
    May 28, 2013 @ 18:41:32

    Very true!

    Reply

  4. bittygirl51
    May 25, 2014 @ 13:43:59

    Reblogged this on dancingthruyears and commented:

    I liked this blog and thought I would repost for those of you following/reading me. It’s an oldie but a goodie.

    Reply

  5. augielife
    May 25, 2014 @ 20:32:13

    That was my Mom’s mantra… She smoked, drank, cussed…more but I digress. Yes children learn what they live, not what they are told. Be an awesome example is now my mantra. I also am a much better grandparent than I was a parent. Why? Role models…

    Reply

    • bittygirl51
      May 25, 2014 @ 21:00:04

      Sheri, I’ve had many regrets and have struggled to not beat myself up over my far from perfect parenting. That’s why I need the spirit of a loving savior, full of mercy to abide within. I couldn’t make it without him…and don’t know how I did for so many years, as I continued to “run my own program” and ignore His proddings. What a merciful God we serve!

      Reply

  6. beecee554
    May 26, 2014 @ 04:25:23

    Looking back, I see that this was the first time I commented on your blog. Don’t know why it shows my name as Bonnie back then and beecee554 now. Anyway, this entry is a good one and I bet quite a few of us are much better grandparents than we were as parents. It is difficult to read the first 7 “if children live with” because I admit that I was guilty of some of those. I, too, have to struggle to not beat myself up, but to remember my mistakes and not make them again. Wish it were possible to go back and undo some things in my life, though.

    Bonnie.

    Reply

    • bittygirl51
      May 26, 2014 @ 13:58:49

      I don’t know why either, Bonnie. Suffice it to say I’m thankful you are one of my faithful followers. I have very few. I have many close and personal friends here locally that read, but don’t comment unless it’s in person. I like to think that it’s hard to build a following unless you are promoting yourself on other forms of media such as FB etc; I’m not on any of them. Just seems like such a waste of time to me. I would rather be sewing, cooking, cleaning tending to hubby and grandchildren etc; FB kinda reminds me of the old “party lines” – OMG!! That really gives away my age, now doesn’t it?? LOL Thanks for reading.

      Reply

  7. Anonymous
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 11:12:40

    In my eyes, you are a great mother, grandmother and role model!

    Reply

    • bittygirl51
      Jun 03, 2014 @ 01:55:20

      Thanks, Tanya. I was a bit confused. You showed up as anonymous again! I appreciate the compliment even tho I think you might be a bit biased. It means a lot coming from you though. Love you.

      Reply

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